Friday, June 19, 2015

Through my eyes;

Hi everyone! I'm currently on the break i've been longing for since a year ago and really now, I don't even know what I was even looking forward to. I can't really do much anyway, since it's Ramadhan and going out for lunch with friends is out of the list...but i'm good. I have literally been spending my days waking up at noon, playing Big Two on my iPad for hours, watch useless YouTube videos and do nothing until 5am, and the whole cycle continues. Not exactly what I pictured in my head....

Anyway, I guess it's about time I write about my past 2 years of tertiary education (or try to) in none other than KYSB...yes I spent the whole of my foundation + first year degree with the same bunch of people haha. Okay so, upon enrolling into this school, I already had the mindset of I hate everyone and i'll just be antisocial forever. Don't know why, but I did. So, you could've kinda guessed that this was me during the whole first month or so. Not bothered to know anyone, and did not bother to even make any friends. As long as I had friends from my old school, everything would be fine. I wouldn't lie, the first month of KYSB shocked me alot. Coming from an all girls school where everyone was open and loud, and you was new being surrounded with kuat goreng (& during that time annoying) boys...asrama kids who couldn't stop talking about how good their asrama's were...muslimah sisturz with labuh tudungs...I mean who even thought SBP's existed right, all my life I thought MRSM's and SBP's were the same thing. You still stay 6 hours away from your family, having to do your own laundry everyday haha. But I guess this change was good. It opened my eyes, and made me realise that not everyone thought the way I did, not everyone would agree that the latest line in Topshop was to die for, and not everyone was okay with the way Sri Amanians talked, acted and laughed out loud. Bottom line is, amongst the whole 140 students, I could only really talk about things I usually talked about, and laughed about the same things with maybe 10 people. And that was sad. So then came step number two: change.

After awhile, I kinda realised that I couldn't really stick to the same 6 friends for the whole two years, and I had to make friends. The whole making friends thing was honestly a whole new process for me, because in Sri Aman, no one actually made friends with each other...everyone in the whole school was friends with each other, and it didn't matter if you knew someone for 2 years or 2 days, you'd be able to instantly click and have a decent conversation. I was pretty bad at making friends (totally opposite from Huda, who was a social butterfly LOL), and the whole "making friends" process usually started with me hoping someone would say hi, and i'd awkwardly try's not that I was shy or had no confidence, no, it was just that I literally had NOTHING to talk about with anyone. My interests back then were cheerleading, ballet, shopping, clothes and really now, out of everyone there, who even liked any of those?! But I guess after some time, everything fell into place and I started knowing who was who and started to understand the different personalities everyone had, and what I could actually talk about to different people. It was comforting, knowing that there were people who were NORMAL (HAHAHA), and even shared the same music taste as I did!

When I think of my foundation days, it'd remind me fondly of Melaka Mall, AKCR, my dip dyed rosak hair days, braces and ofcourse...Razzin :) It was the first few months of college when I met him as we were in the same group for Malaysian Studies...and I honestly never thought i'd ever be what we are now, looking at the way things were back then. I never believed in the whole ""love at first sight"" thing, cause really now, I did not look at him thinking i'd ever like him more than a friend. Razzin made me laugh a lot with his jokes that actually never made sense, and I really enjoyed his company. I guess God has His own plans and things work out in their very own ways, and soon enough, we were inseparable huehuehue.

My foundation days ended well, although not with the perfect CGPA (research writing >:( !!), but with new friends, and a whole new experience. Throughout my foundation life, I learnt the most important thing of all, which was to never trust anybody. Ever. Things happened, and although I wish it never did, it was all a learning experience for me, making sure i'd never repeat what I did again. No matter how much of a saint an individual is, never ever take that for granted cause really now, what makes you think knowing him/her for a year would make him/her so trustworthy haha. Also, despite it being so cliche, never judge a book by its cover, and I guess that's pretty self-explanatory.

As the new trimester started, my life as a degree student also finally came. Honestly, I thought I would be dead, getting 3.2 pointers and ending up screwing my life...but hey I was wrong! It wasn't as bad as I thought it would be, study-wise. But the work load was alot. ALOT. During foundation, we were spoon-fed by our teachers. We barely had to move an inch, and the teachers made sure we knew about everything before they moved on into a new topic. But that was something new. We had lectures, and honestly who can even concentrate during lectures?! No matter how hard we try, there'll always be a little voice inside our head asking us where we should head for lunch, or what matches the new jeans you just bought last weekend. Which would usually end up in me being in my own world, creating new outfits in my head....econs?? what econs lol?? So basically, everything during degree was based on our own efforts. You were the author of your own No one cared if you studied for 10 hours, or did not study at all, in the end, it would be you who'd be crying in pain, or jumping for joy. I was never good at this whole self-study thing. Back in my Sri Aman days, every single free hours of my day were spent with tuitions after tuitions. But, I learnt and with the help of Razzin and my friends, everything went smoothly.

During this phase of my life, I saw the true colours of everyone, and I managed to see who my true friends really were. No, I did not have many friends, I still could not click with most of the people there, but those friends who stayed will always play a big role in my life and I would never trade them for the world :) Also, this was when I had the chance to be roommates with my best friends - Huda, Ayesha and Shiro. Despite the countless arguments and misunderstandings we had, at the end of the day, they'd always be the ones I would turn to and tell everything to. They're the only few who can actually understand me, and give me the best (although harsh) advice ever. Needless to say, I wouldn't have wanted to share a (super messy) room with anyone else but them :)

Speaking of true friends, my degree life was also greatly influenced by my junior of one year, from Sri Aman, Khairina. She was (and still is) always there for me, when I was at my lowest and even when I was the happiest girl in the world. She is the most honest person I have ever met, and if I ever wanted any advice, she'd be one of the first few i'd seek help from. In other words, Khairina was the realest best friend- or sister i've met and I thank my lucky stars everyday to have met someone like her.

Much more drama happened during my first year degree, and each and everything that has happened has sculpted me to be who I am today - making me much stronger, yet making me realise how weak and vulnerable I can be at times. Yes, bad things are always bound to happen to everyone - you can't possibly have a life with ups all the time. But one thing's for sure, no matter how tough things get, and no matter how much you want to give up, you've just gotta keep going, because things will eventually get better. Things will fall into place and you will realise that everything was a test from God, and after every difficulty comes an ease :) People will talk, people will always be unsatisfied with you, and with every action you take, comes a new topic for them to talk about. But you know, who cares about what they say. Who cares about what they think. You yourself know what you did was right, and in the end, it'll all be between you and God.

All in all, I would never imagine spending my early tertiary education in anywhere else besides KYSB. All the memories made can't be traded with anything else, and will be something I will forever hold on to, and will cherish for the rest of my life. The (few) friends I made throughout these years have impacted my life greatly, and are surely the kind of people i'd want my future kids to know about. I have precisely 11 days till I start a whole new chapter in my life, and I hope everything goes well, and God eases the journey of my friends and I.

Till then! xx

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